Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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