Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
