Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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