The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
