WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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