There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
