the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
