people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
