if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
