I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Someone signed my nipple.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
