so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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