i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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