We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
