Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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