cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
