Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
