My room smells like vodka and shame
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
