remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
