anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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