some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
