wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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