I accidentally burped into my bong.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
