No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
