Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
