Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
