I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
