it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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