I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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