Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
