You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
