saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
