i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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