Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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