If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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