Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
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