i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
