In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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