Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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