shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
