what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
