I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
