And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
