is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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