Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
