I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wish my penis had a tongue
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
