I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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