Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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