This gyro tastes like lonliness
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
