My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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