i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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