bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
