If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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